To Live In Love & Die
by White Firebird
Summary: It was almost too good to be true...


**Hey everyone! Here's a one shot I got inspiration for recently...this is loosely based off of the Pierce The Veil song, "I Don't Care If You're Contagious". If you've heard of them...then you know how great they are. If not, look them up, I promise you won't be disappointed if you're into that kind of music. This is a bit depressing...hopefully not too depressing though. Hope you all enjoy.**

**I don't own anything. And can anyone confirm if August 3rd is indeed the ACTUAL date for iLost My Mind?**

It was almost too good to be true.

He held your hand for the first time last week, on your third date. The two of you had been going out for almost four months at that point, but you had been dancing around him, and he you, long before you got the courage to finally show him how you felt about him. Minutes turned into hours, hours into days, days into months, and finally, months into years. Neither of you quite realized the game you were playing with each other until you went too far one night, a very long time ago. Revealing one of his deepest secrets for the entire internet to hear _seemed_ like a good idea at the time, a great way of attaining payback for what he did to you, but it wasn't until your mutual best friend slapped some long overdue sense into your brain and made you see the error of your ways. You've made some mistakes over your life, some of which you regret, most of which you don't care about and moved on from. This one fell into the category of those few regrets. You hurt him, and you hurt him bad that time. Sure, you had been hurting him for years at that point, still unaware of the tension that was slowly building between you two, but never, ever like that. So you did the unthinkable, at least in your mind.

You admitted to that same internet crowd that you shared the same secret that he did, and that everyone needed to leave him alone. Then you seeked him out and apologized to him. At first, you didn't think he'd accept it, and for that you couldn't blame him one bit. But, much to your surprise, he took the sincere apology at face value and then...then it was when your collective lives, and the little 'game' that you two were playing took a turn for the better in the long run. You both laughed about how stupid it was, sharing the same secret, how everyone else but you two thought it was something serious, and now watching as it was out in the open. For some reason, he was feeling extra bold and brave with you that night...so he suggested that you get rid of the secret. It was your turn to question his motives, but you agreed to get it over with, swearing to go back to hating each other after it was over, and never telling anyone about it ever. And then it happened.

You shared your first kiss with Freddie Benson that night.

It was the best, most magical eight seconds of your life at that point. You couldn't believe you shared such an intimate moment with him, the boy who you tortured and insulted and made miserable for gosh knew how long. But that was the game you two had been playing with each other, oblivious to everything it meant. You _'hated'_ each other. But there never really was any hate involved, you realized. It was more an underlying show of affection, that you two really did care about each other deep down and considered each other as friends and needed each other, contrary to what you made everyone else believe. But after that night, while everything went back to 'normal', you were incredibly conflicted on the inside. Sure, you had always had something of an interest in him ever since you met him, but you kept it to yourself and only yourself. He was different to you, different in the sense that he most certainly didn't try to act like he was someone else. He was a computer and tech geek, and he made no attempt to hide that fact, and that's what you found so intriguing about him.

He was more **real** than you were.

You acted tough because, well, you were and still are tough. But deep down, and only your best friend knew for the longest time...you were a fragile, scared little girl who came from a broken home. Your dad left you at an early age and never came back. Your mother turned to alcohol and began, for a lack of better word, whoring herself out. And your little sister was the one who got all the attention, all the accolades and achievements, while you were left with nothing, absolutely nothing. No matter how hard you tried to cover up the emotional scars, they'd always be there. Everything you portrayed yourself to be was mostly a facade. That's why you latched onto Carly Shay. She provided stability for you, and she always listened and was always willing to help you out, even if you were getting her into trouble too. That's what girlfriends are for, right? But it's also why you latched onto him as well. He was always there, getting insulted and beaten up, always complaining and trading barbs with you, but he never left. He never abandoned you like everyone else did. He always remained at your side through all the pain. And that's what you admired most about him...his loyalty.

And that brings you the in-between. After the kiss, things became more than a little awkward between you two. The game you two had been playing had it's rules changed due to that one little moment you shared with him. It no longer was about hate, but rather, about how you two would deal with the fact that you were starting to care more and more about each other. You didn't want to fall for him. You wanted to keep him on the outside looking in forever and ever, and you were determined to make sure he knew that. But it was the little things he did that made you realize just how much you needed him, whether he felt the same way or not. He'd bring you bacon or ham every so often. He'd willingly let you copy his homework or cheat off his quizzes and tests. He always bought your smoothies. But most importantly, to you...he listened. Sure, he'd question everything and disagree with you a lot, and not want any part of your juvenile actions most of the time...but he always listened. And he was always trying to help. Granted, you'd shun his help and then insult him...but he made the effort, and that mattered to you.

Slowly, you began to get the feeling that you weren't going to be able to keep him on the outside any longer. You both grew, and with growth came changes, both external and internal. You couldn't help but notice how he stared at you when you were alone in the studio one day, a while ago, and damned if it didn't make you blush and feel alive inside. You were growing into your womanly body. Your hair became crazier and curlier and blonder, if that was even possible. Your eyes became picturesque blue windows. And your body, oh god, your body. Needless to say, you were pleasantly surprised with how much you had filled out. And he was taking notice...but so were you with him. He began to dress nicer, and his hair was so perfect you wanted nothing more than to mess it up and watch how he got it to be like that. And you'd be lying to yourself if you didn't want to run your delicate little hand over his surely developed abs. When he stared at you that day and you made no attempt to insult or stop him, that's when you realized it. You were falling for him. Hard. And you couldn't keep your feelings for him bottled up anymore. Then he and your best friend began dating after he saved her life from a taco truck. It ripped you apart on the inside, seeing them be happy when you were the one falling head over heels for him. When he told you that he had taken your advice, that he was her foreign bacon and she loved him for his heroic deed, not him, and that they had broken up, your heart soared on the inside. It was just a matter of telling him how you felt.

Then came that night at school. The lock-in. The night that changed everything.

The two of you and a new friend had been testing out your project, a digital application that would tell what mood you were in. You had been hanging out with the two of them a lot for the last week, even ditching your best friend to hang out with the two boys. Nobody knew why you were with them so much except you. It was an excuse to get closer to him. To finally tell him your feelings. But either the opportunity never presented itself or you got too nervous to tell him. Either way, you missed a lot of chances but you were going to tell him one of those days. Except, everything went awry when the app read that you were 'in love'. Carly and Freddie thought you were in love with Brad, the new intern/addition to your group. They couldn't have been further from the truth. She even tried locking you and him in the same room together afterr she had urged you to make a move. You told her you didn't appreciate the 'help', but she again urged you to find yourself a nice boyfriend. All she wanted was for you to be happy. Then he came to talk to you. You tried telling him to leave you alone, but he stayed and began to echo your best friends statement from earlier. And as you stared into his eyes...listened to him speak...everything you two went through and shared began to flood through your head, ending with how you felt after your first kiss and how much you had grown to love him since that moment. You couldn't just express it with mere words, though. Words would ruin it...you telling him needed to be spontaneous and out of left field.

So you kissed him. You shared your second ever kiss with Freddie Benson that night. Your second kiss period. To say that you felt fireworks when your lips met his would've been a gross understatement. But when you pulled away, you didn't see the smile you were expecting. You saw shock and confusion written across his face. You took it the wrong way. So you ran, and ran, and ran. You didn't speak to him for two whole weeks after that, and how could you? The one boy you loved so much to the point where it almost hurt had rejected you. So when Carly locked you two in her bedroom and threw away the key, you wanted out so badly. You wanted nothing to do with him anymore...you were searching for a place to hide, where he couldn't find you and break your already broken heart anymore. But when you wouldn't listen to his words, he pulled a page out of your book and cornered you and backed you up against the wall, where he swooped in and kissed you. Oh my goodness the electricity that was in the air when that happened. You and him spent a good twenty minutes fighting for control, and the look on your best friends face when she walked in and saw you two making out was priceless to the two of you. Everything after that was merely a formality.

Which brings you to the now. You remember how you felt when his hand grabbed yours and your fingers intertwined. The happiness that coursed through your body and your veins was something you thouroughly enjoyed. Was this what happiness was? You were always asking yourself if everything was a dream, or a cruel joke, but every time he looked into your eyes with such love and care and affection, you knew it was the real deal. For the first time in your life, you were going somewhere, and as long as his hand was in yours, you knew that you wouldn't be alone. Everyone, especially Carly, was so incredibly happy for you two, wanted you to be happy and saw this as the chance to get your life in order. Life was actually being kind to you for a change, and you weren't going to take it for granted. Nothing was going to come between you and your happiness. You were determined to make sure of that.

"Hey, Princess."

You hear the softly spoken words come from your boyfriend's mouth as he enters his house, which you've already been occupying for the past half hour or so while you waited for him to get out of detention. A detention that you got him because you nailed your evil English teacher in the back of the head with an orange, which you then put in his hands. So you were bored in lunch and wanted to play some Boomba and you got him a detention in the process. Old habits die hard. You turn to face him, and instead of seeing the warm and welcoming smile you're accustomed to seeing whenever you see each other, it's replaced by a pained expression. You go from smiling to concerned as he slumps down next to you, trying to hide the pain in his face through a forced smile.

"Are you alright, Freddie? You don't look so hot."

He nods his head in approval, but you're not buying it. Did someone jump him while he was walking home from school? Maybe he ate something rotten during lunch (the cafeteria food had been getting worse with each day passed). Either way, you were a little alarmed with the way he looked right now. He looked weak and tired, like he hadn't slept in quite a while. Something was off...and you weren't liking it one bit. He just...didn't look like himself. At all.

"Don't lie to me, Benson. What's wrong? You look like someone threw your computer out into the street and watched it get run over by a semi-truck. Did something happen to you in detention? Did someone hurt you? What happened?"

He puts a hand on your shoulder in an effort to try and calm you down, and it works. But the concern and possible rage is still bubbling underneath the surface. If anyone laid a hand on him while he was in detention...

"I told you, Sam, I'm fine. Nothing happened to me in detention, ok? I'm gonna go grab something to drink...you want anything?"

You shake your head and he shrugs his shoulders, getting up off the couch gingerly and grimacing all the way. You bite your tongue because you don't want to upset him anymore than he already is, but your instincts tell you to help him out even though he doesn't want any help. You can't help but chuckle to yourself at the irony of the situation and the role reversal. Soon enough though, he's sitting back down next to you on the couch, reaching over you for the remote, still looking like he's in a lot of pain. You stop him and grab it for him, placing it in his hand while he gives you a silent thank you with his eyes. Soon after that, silence engulfed the room, with the two of you keeping your collective eyes focussed on the TV, with fleeting glances at each other here and there every few minutes or so. You had a feeling that he wanted to tell you what was up with him, but was waiting for you to ask him again. You looked to your left and saw him staring at you, almost pleadingly, through the corner of his eye. You feel his hand on yours, but he's still not looking directly at you.

"Freddie...tell me what's going on. Please?"

His face twisted up in a bit of pain as he took a deep breath. Whatever he wanted to say or do, it obviously pained him a great deal to do so. You could see it in his eyes and in the rest of his face. But he sucked in another breath and exhaled deeply, facing you as he began to speak.

"I didn't really go to detention today."

"Really?"

"And remember last week when I left rehearsal early because my Mom needed me here?"

"Yeah..."

"And the week before when I didn't come to school because my uncle was here?"

You feel as if this is going somewhere where you don't want it to go. So you cut him off just to make him get to the point. Another deep breath.

"I wasn't really doing all those things, Sam. I was...I...I've been at the doctor's all this time. Getting tests and everything...my mom...she said I was acting funny so she's been taking me there...Sam, I don't know how to say this..."

You see a tear begin to form in his eye, but he quickly wipes it away. A sudden sense of dread begins to fill your insides, like you're about to have your heart ripped out and then stepped on. You feel your skin become cold and clammy almost instantly, and it's as if everything has gone into slow motion. Your heart beat slows down and breaths become harder to take. Your hair suddenly feels lifeless and you feel as unappealing and disgusting as ever. His eyes are filled with so much pain and emotion, you feel it in your own eyes. He reaches forward and gently pulls you into his embrace, burying his face into your hair, his arms wrapped around your delicate body as he held you close and tight. The next words from his mouth just about kill you on the inside when he speaks them.

"Sam...I've been diagnosed with cancer..."

Eight months have passed since that moment. You've visited him in the hospital every day since he was moved there a month ago. His condition has gotten worse and worse, but he keeps smiling...and he keeps you happy, all things considered. He's always put you before him, and while you've always given him crap for it, you admire how selfless he is. You're his world...

The doctors tell you he doesn't have much longer. You don't want to believe them...you want to think that he'll pull through, that he'll get better and the two of you will have your happily ever after. You'll go to college together, get your own apartment, and live like the 'lovebirds' you two are (Carly's words, not yours obviously). You'll be the owner and master chef of your own restaurant, and he'll run the Pear Corporation. You want to believe everything is going to be ok. But then you look at him, in his frail, sick and weakened state...and your dream is taken away from you. But he's still smiling, even through the incredible pain.

"Hey...Sam..."

"Freddie...rest...save your strength..."

It takes all the strength in his body to reach behind him to grab a little box off the table next to his bed. He places the box in your hand and motions for you to open it. And when you do, your heart stops and you grow speechless. Inside is one of the most beautiful looking rings you've ever seen. You're usually not one for these, but this...this is gorgeous. You look to him, and he's got the brightest smile on his lips that he's had in a while.

"It's a...promise ring...which says...that I'll promise...to never leave...your side, Sam...go...put it on..."

Your lips are trembling and your whole body is shaking as you do as he asks. It fits perfectly, like a glove. You lean in and place a gentle kiss on his lips, showing your thanks. You feel something in your hand...and it's his hand, holding yours.

Just like he did on your third date.

So when a few more weeks pass and you're there, in the cemetary, dressed in all black and standing next to his sobbing mother, your mother, your best friend and her older brother, your sister and his best friend...a small, sad smile is on your lips as you look down at the closed casket. You glance momentarily at the promise ring he gave you, and you feel a slight breeze nipping at the bottom of your skirt, which then moves up and sweeps around your whole body. He promised you that he'd never leave your side. You glance back at the casket and your smile is a little less sad this time.

Freddie always _was_ good at keeping his promises.


End file.
